


What If

by JamJar98



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27263578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamJar98/pseuds/JamJar98
Summary: Gibbs is forced to reflect on the past and how one event changed his life. Tag to 12x16 "Blast from the past" AU
Relationships: Jethro Gibbs/Jenny Shepard
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	What If

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NerdyJibbsOreo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyJibbsOreo/gifts).



> This is something I’ve been meaning to write for quite a while. Seemed like a good way to get rid of some writer’s block. This was inspired by episode 16 of season 12 “Blast from the past”. Definitely AU, hopefully it’s not too confusing. I used some of the dialogue that inspired most of this lengthy one-shot.

_**Ellie**  
“I know the big picture and eventually everyone’s time comes, and I understand and accept that.”_

_**Gibbs**  
“Forget the big picture. Look at everything close up.”_

_**Paris (June 1997)** _

* * *

The thin see-through curtains fluttered in the light breeze that oh-so-graciously swept through the stuffy Parisian apartment. The cloying heat had followed them all the way from Marseille to the historic city of love. Giving her the perfect excuse to open any- and every window in the room, much to her partner’s evident dismay. She nibbled her rosy lip, despite his monosyllabic response that he wasn’t hot, he had discarded his soaked t-shirt in favour of feeling the cool breeze.

It had been almost a week since they had surrendered to their sexually charged attraction towards each other. All she could remember was they had argued, something they had done a lot since being assigned this mission, maybe it was their subconscious trying to avoid the inevitable. He had shouted and she had matched him in volume, afterwards she had found herself pinned against a wall, his body hot against her own and his mouth eagerly seeking out hers to shut her up.

They hadn’t stopped exploring their newfound activity up until a few hours ago. William Decker had interrupted their mid-afternoon nap to notify them that their prearranged meet with a potential buyer had changed and that they had two days to prepare. According to Decker her part was fundamental, she was tasked with distracting their target in order for him to lower his guard. She knew he was only trying to make her feel better about not being part of all the action her partner was experiencing.

Jenny toyed with the waistband of the plaid boxers she had on. Jethro had glared at her when she had rummaged through his drawers. The look had only darkened when she pulled on the pair of perfectly ironed boxers and one of his t-shirts. The quirk of his lips told her he was enjoying the sight far more than he was willing to admit.

Jethro wiped the beads of sweat from his brow; he was finding it increasingly arduous to concentrate. Whether it was from the heatwave that had consumed the French capital or the amount of hormones racing through him – he wasn’t sure. He watched her shift around on the tiny double bed, those skilful fingers dancing over her pale skin enchantingly. He tried ignoring her, pacing around the small bedroom.

It had been during the first three hours of being barricaded inside that stuffy attic when he had realized Morrow and McAllister hadn’t thought this mission through. Jenny Shepard was a stunningly attractive woman and in the last week he had learned she would most definitely be the death of him. All it would take was the flutter of those alluring emerald eyes and the bite of her lip and he would do anything for her.

The last time a woman had that kind of control over him he had been young and inexperienced. He was well into his forties now, with two failed marriages behind him – he should’ve known better than allowing things to progress to where they were currently. She was so young, it would have been far more logical to have Will play the role of her Arms dealing lover.

Jethro growled under his breath, the thought of another man’s name falling from _his_ redhead’s lips was enough to boil his blood.

“You need some help over there, computer nerd?” The question was a welcoming distraction from his current train of thought.

He shot her a glare, noting the way she rolled the t-shirt higher, baring her stomach. “Computer Technician.”

She snickered softly. It was no secret that Jethro was slow on the technological uptake compared to the rest of them. Ideally Decker would’ve been best suited for the role of Leland Robert Spears. He was a genius when it came to the more technological aspect of their work. Being the intuitive agent that she was, she’d taken it up with Morrow, disregarding the fact that she might be overstepping as a junior agent. The Director had simply smiled at her. Jethro knew how to read people, and while Decker was tech savvy, he couldn’t work people the same way.

“What kind of name is Miranda Fleming anyway?” She was feeling just a little bit spiteful today.

Jethro looked up from the thick book Decker had supplied him with in an effort to catch him up to speed. Irritation flashed in his eyes before turning his attention back to the book.

Turning onto her side, she watched as he paced the length of the room. Beads of sweat slowly rolled down his shoulder blades, muscles flexing as he ran a hand through his hair. When all this was over and they were back in the office, she doubted she’d be able to think of anything else other than him in just a pair of jeans. Taking a sharp breath, she exhaled loud enough to cause his pacing to falter.

“I guess Leland isn’t much better.”

“Focus on the bigger picture, Jen!” He snapped at her. Rubbing a hand across his brow, he glared at her. “It doesn’t matter what our names are. What matters is that they believe it.”

The brief flash of hurt in her eyes made him reassess what he’d just said. He could sense she was frustrated with the limited role she’d been assigned. There was nothing any of them could do until they knew more about what they were dealing with. He realised the intimate nature of their relationship had made a previously easy going affair more complicated than it should be.

There wasn’t supposed to be any emotional attachments to what happened between them. It was a simple occurrence that helped relieve the tension of a high-stress mission, even if the recurrence of their trysts had nothing to do with stress. Neither of them could afford to get attached emotionally, and he suspected they were heading towards that quicker than they should.

Mike had warned him about romance between agents.

Jenny pushed herself off the bed, rolling the t-shirt back down. Forcing her hair into a messy ponytail, she slowly collected a few of her clothes scattered across the room. She’d been around Jethro long enough to know she needed get away from him before he completely lost his cool.

Grabbing the last few of her items, she headed for the door.

The touch of his hand burnt her skin, the heat was unbearable, sweat slowly dripping from her brow as she glared at him. He clenched his jaw, seemingly trying to figure out what it was he wanted to say.

Jethro swallowed, he could see down the front of the t-shirt and he had to remind himself that he couldn’t get too involved with her. There had to be rules.

“It gets dangerous out there, Jen.” He met her gaze. It surprised him just how emotionless her eyes were. A few minutes ago he could’ve sworn she would’ve fought him on the matter. Instead she seemed calm and collected.

“I know.” She snarled, jerking her hand free of his grip she spun on her heel and left him to his own thoughts.

The sound of her bedroom door slamming shut told him he wouldn’t be seeing her anytime soon. He wanted to storm after her, kiss her until she gave him that cheeky little smile, but he couldn’t. They couldn’t afford to blur the lines of professionalism more than it already was. They couldn’t lose sight of reality.

* * *

_**Gibbs**  
“The real danger, Duck. Losing focus of what matters being buried deep undercover for too long…”_

_**Ducky**  
“Losing focus of what or whom?”_

_**Prague January (1999)** _

* * *

The cold bite of the winter air stung her cheeks. Jenny tightened her coat, hoping to ward off the chill. It seemed too quiet for her liking. She was regretting being caught in yet another snowy night, but Jethro had become insufferable ever since their mission in Paris had gone sideways. Shooting a man in cold blood when they had been ordered not to engage had forced them to run. Jethro had been hard to work with ever since. He’d saved her career and any ramification her lack in judgement might have had.

They had been involved for the last two years, submerging themselves into their given identities. Some days it was hard separating the truths from the countless lies they were wrapped up in. Somewhere she’d let her guard down and she’d unwittingly developed more than just an infatuation with her boss. Their occasionally intimate meetings had turned into much more. Ducky had acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, although she suspected the old doctor had seen this coming before they had.

For a moment she’d thought Jethro had felt the same way about her. They’d been forced to trust one another with their lives. Things between them had seemed to progress after their brief mission in Positano, following them to Serbia. It had been the first time in nearly a year where they could just be themselves. No cover to uphold, just the two of them soaking up the sun while they had the chance. It was during that week that she’d realised she’d loved him.

A part of her had been convinced it wasn’t just their covers that had forced them into each other's arms. It had been building from the moment she had joined his team. The covers were simply an excuse to hide behind what they were really feeling. Her mistake, however, had forced her to once again step away from what was going on around them and look at the big picture. She wasn’t naive enough to believe that things between her and Jethro could be different. There was no changing him. He already had two ex-wives, the warning signs were clear. It was only a matter of time before she could break things off between them.

There was an opening for team leader at the Naples office, and since their time in Europe was drawing to a close, she was seriously considering taking up Morrow’s offer.

Scanning the streets, she tried to spot something out of the ordinary. Ever since Paris and her knee-jerk reaction, she’d been cautious, hesitant even to pull the trigger. Nothing seemed out of place; most of the cars were still covered in a blanket of snow suggesting that no unwanted guests had arrived.

The apartment building drew near, her eyes flicking to the third floor. Taking a deep breath, she climbed the slippery stairs. There was a knot in her stomach, something that had been bothering her since they’d been assigned the new mission. It was an attempt to circle back to Paris and eventually track down Anatoly Zhukov and his entourage.

Climbing the stairs to the third floor, she sighed as loud music pumped behind one of the closed doors. It had been going on for the last three days and was slowly driving her crazy. The smell of cannabis hung in the air, like every other night they’d been staying here. Wrinkling her nose, she pulled her key out of her coat pocket. The leather soft under her touch, a gift that still surprised her. Sliding the key in the lock, she steeled herself, knowing she’d have to face the music – metaphorically speaking.

The apartment was quiet as she shrugged off her coat. Decker had mentioned wanting to talk to Jethro about something, and clearly he’d left to meet at their prearranged spot.

“Where have you been?” He sounded groggy as he walked into the small living room.

Their tiny apartment was definitely a downgrade from all the others, there were usually two bedrooms, this time they had to share. Maybe three months ago that would’ve been a possibility, but their on again of again relationship had forced one of them to take the couch. This time she’d offered to take it, knowing she wouldn’t have to explain her coming and goings to him.

“Out.” Tension seemed to encroach on them.

In the last three months it felt as if Jethro had lost sight of whom he really was, immersing himself completely in his cover. She’d tried keeping in touch with the outside world, occasionally calling Noemi when she had the chance or talking to Ducky when they were alone.

“Out where?” He smoothed a hand through his hair.

Jenny rolled her eyes. He was pushing for a fight, and it seemed like that was all they did these days. “To get fresh air,” she moseyed towards the couch, “I didn’t shoot anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Damn it, Jen! Do you want us to get made?”

She rolled her eyes at him. One mistake, and he treated her like she just graduated from FLET-C. “You’re allowed to come and go as you please, but I have to stay in this hell hole? It’s no wonder you have two ex-wives.”

He muttered something under his breath before storming back into the small bedroom. Ignoring his outburst, she flopped down on the small tattered couch. The Sig at the small of her back pressed into her at an unpleasant angle.

Jethro emerged again, glancing at her irately. “Gonna see, Decker.”

Jenny straightened, knowing that accusing him off simply leaving whenever he felt like it would only end in bloodshed. She knew the two of them drank until the early hours of the morning; she could smell the whiskey on him when he walked through the door.

“Jethro,” he looked at her, blue eyes cold, “something about tomorrow’s Op doesn’t feel right.”

The lines on his forehead creased slightly as he scowled at her. “It’s just nerves, Jen. Ya just need to get back on the horse.”

The door slammed shut, the thumping music disrupting the silence.

Staring up at the ceiling, she tried relieving the tension in her neck, rolling her head slowly from side to side. Glancing at the faded wall clock, she realised Jethro had been gone for a good thirty minutes and she probably wouldn’t see him until four in the morning.

The music was slowly driving her insane, the same beat and tempo had been playing for a good seven minutes. Feeling her stomach growl, she sighed, wondering if there was still something edible in the fridge. The cold had seeped into her bones, making her feel stiff.

Darkness surrounded her as the music suddenly died.

Reaching for the Sig, she held it firmly, finger resting idly on the trigger. Tip toeing to the window, she pulled the stained curtain away, trying to see if the rest of the neighbourhood had been shrouded in darkness. The apartment building across from theirs still had their lights on.

Instinct took over.

Leaving the curtain to flutter back in place, she tightened her grip on the Sig. Gingerly making her way back to the small couch, she quickly took off the cushions, revealing a spare Sig and extra clips along with a silencer. There was no way she’d be able to fabricate a bomb, not without some help. There was an extra weapon under the bed too, her last resort if their enemies had sent more people than she had bullets.

There was no fire escape from any of their windows, and she didn’t know who might be waiting for her if she did make it out.

Heavy footsteps in the hall alerted her someone was making their way towards her. Double checking her clip, she quickly attached the silencer, the other weapon tucked into the holster at her back.

Quickly assessing her odds, she took cover behind the small wall separating the tiny foyer and living room from each other. Clenching her jaw, she tried regulating her breathing, she had to stay calm. The heavy footsteps stopped right in front of the door. She could just make out the quiet conversation, alerting her she had a company of three.

Whoever was picking the lock was clearly new to the job, what should’ve been a few seconds, took significantly longer. There was an impatient snap from one of them before the lock suddenly clicked open. The unmistakable squeak of the door opening had her take aim.

The hallway was dark, making it difficult to discern what was going on.

Squinting, she could just make out the first figure stepping through the door, judging by his large size she wouldn’t be able to disarm him. Gritting her teeth, she took aim, holding her breath she fired. The silencer did little to muffle the sound.

The gunshots drew in the remaining visitors.

Before she knew it, automatic gunfire sent bullets her way, forcing her to fire back without looking. The click of an empty clip had her reach for the spare Sig. Bits of plaster hit her in the face as they kept firing. Realising they knew where she was hiding, she fired two shots.

Making a run for it, she headed straight for the bedroom. Barely a foot away from the door, the gunfire picked back up. She felt a bullet graze her jacket as she dove for cover.

Breathing heavily, she swallowed down the fear slowly creeping in on her. Steadying her breathing once more, she swung around the door frame, firing off a shot and hitting one of them between the eyes. Confidence slowly started building, knowing that her odds had increased now that two of them were dead.

Pieces of glass and splintered wood shattered as the last of her guests ventured towards the bedroom. Making a conscious effort to not alert him of where exactly she was, she crawled towards the bed. She could feel beads of sweat on her forehead from all the adrenalin. It dawned on her that she’d pinned herself into a corner without realising it. Taking aim, she waited for him to make his way into the bedroom.

A shot rang out as he reached the bedroom door.

She listened with bated breath.

“Jen?” The familiar voice had her relax fractionally. “Jenny?”

“Bedroom.” The cold suddenly seemed to surround her, the rush of adrenalin leaving her slightly rattled.

Reality seemed to be slowly sinking in. Assessment kicked in and she knew they only had about fifteen minutes to pack up and leave before the police showed up and they had to break their cover. Jethro was no doubt going to throw this whole ambush in front of her. He was the last person she really had to worry about. Someone had known about their operation and where they were staying.

Ignoring the pain from all the excitement, she thundered into the living room. Jethro seemed to be frozen halfway between the foyer and the shot up couch.

“We don’t have much time.” She muttered, grabbing her small duffel and quickly packing her things.

“Are you hurt?” His voice was hoarse, but she wasn’t sure if it was anger or something else.

“Doesn’t matter,” she squinted, trying to see in the dark, “we have to leave.”

The lights suddenly flickered to life. Squeezing her eyes shut against the bright light, she quickly took stock of the carnage around her. The three men seemed familiar, tied to one of the targets they’d been tracking these last few weeks. Clearly someone had tipped them off.

“Jen,” Jethro spoke softly, shoulders stiff as he walked towards her.

“What?” Maybe her irritation towards him stemmed from the fact that he’d left her alone to fend for herself. They’d sworn to have each others backs, but whatever partnership had been between them had faded along with who they really were. These last few months they’d simply been Miranda and Leland, forcing them both to lose sight of reality.

A few months ago he never would’ve left her alone, especially not with how dangerous their missions had become. He’d taught her how to accept killing someone in cold blood. The weight was slowly bearing down on her, Morrow’s offer seemed more appealing each time something went wrong.

Grabbing her arms gently, he stopped her from moving around. He’d almost been too late, Decker had called him frantically – confirming Jenny’s uneasiness over the Op. They’d been made well before they’d even entered the country.

“Jenny,” he cupped her cheeks, “you’ve been shot.” He doubted she’d noticed, but the hole in her jean was hard to miss.

Emerald eyes glanced down, taking in the significant amount of blood loss. The adrenalin had finally worn off, and pain slowly took hold. She grit her teeth against the sudden jolt of pain shooting up her thigh. Blood oozed from the wound and she tried to ignore it. The mission came first, she’d take care of it later.

“I’m fine.” She brushed him off, not sure she could handle him suddenly caring about her.

“You’re not fine, we need to get you to a hospital.” Past experience told him the bullet was still lodged inside and she’d run the risk of an infection if they didn’t take care of it.

Zipping up the duffel, she grit her teeth against the pain. For a moment she was back in Paris, staring at the man who had her believe he really did care about her. She had to focus on the bigger picture, just like he’d taught her.

“Don’t act like you suddenly care.” Her tone was venomous as she snapped.

Frustrated, he grabbed her wrists, forcing her to stop and look at him again. Eyes darting over her to make sure she wasn’t hiding any other injuries, he pressed his forehead against hers. “I do care, Jen. We can’t risk you getting an infection.” He leaned in, trying to kiss the corner of her mouth.

She pushed against his chest, forcing him to take a step back.

“No, Jethro, you only ever cared about the mission.”

* * *

_**Ellie**  
“Do you think working undercover for so long affects your marriage?”_

_**Present Day** _ _**(February 2015)** _

* * *

The front steps creaked under his weight as he quickly made his way through the front door, closing it behind him to keep the cold outside. The house was suspiciously quiet for a Thursday evening. Last he checked no one had anything planned. He hadn’t been home at a decent hour most of the week. He’d spent an entire night cooped up behind that stupid computer when he could’ve been home. He might have missed something in the few hours he had been home in the mornings.

“Daddy!” The small voice had him smiling.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Jethro asked conspiratorially.

The boy wrinkled his nose at his father, floppy brown hair falling in his eyes as he shook his head. “No, mom said I could stay up late.” Green eyes shone with mischief as the ten-year-old wrapped his arms around his father’s waist.

“Jasper!” They both stared at the top of the stairs.

“Busted.” Jethro whistled softly. He didn’t miss his son’s soft giggle as he tightened his grip.

“I missed you, dad. Lily’s being mean and mom keeps sending me to bed early.”

“Your sister’s fifteen, Sport, it’s only going to get worse.” Jethro ruffled his son’s hair, movement from atop the stairs drawing his attention.

Jenny smiled at him, green eyes tired as she made her way down the stairs. Jasper sensed his mother’s presence and darted off before she could threaten to ground him. Jethro shook his head, knowing there was probably a good reason the young man was sentenced to an early bedtime.

It rarely happened that he didn’t make it home at a reasonable hour. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped, but this case had brought back a lot of memories.

“I didn’t expect you home until late.” Jenny murmured softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He breathed her in, burying his nose in her hair. “Paperwork can wait.” He pulled back, brushing her long red hair out of her face. Leaning in, he kissed her, fingers slipping to the nape of her neck as he pulled her closer. She ran her fingers through his hair, cupping his cheeks.

“Nasty!” Jasper snickered as he threw himself on the couch.

They pulled apart. Jethro glared at his son who was already engrossed in whatever he was watching on TV.

“Twenty minutes young man, and then you’re off to bed.” Jenny warned.

“No fair! How come Lily gets to stay up late.” He pouted, green eyes scowling.

“She’s older, and she doesn’t play video games when she’s supposed to be studying.” Jenny wrapped an arm around her husband’s waist, noticing that his mind was somewhere else.

“Lily’s a nerd.” Jasper sulked, his ever happy face lined with frustration.

“You’re a dork.” Lily snapped from behind her parents.

Jasper pulled his face at his sister, unable to stop himself from laughing when she did the same.

Jethro shook his head. He’d given up trying to understand how these two got along. He welcomed the hug his eldest offered, kissing the top of her head. Gone were the days where she’d eagerly greet him at the door with her baby brother in tow. She looked exactly like her mother, from the auburn locks to her fierce determination. She smiled up at him, blue eyes soft as she gave him another hug before letting him go.

“Ziva asked if I could babysit tomorrow. Apparently there’s some movie Tony wants to see and the last time they took Tali with them they had to leave early. Can you maybe drop me off? Mom said she might be working late.” Lily smiled up at her dad.

“Sure, just got paperwork tomorrow. You gonna be okay on your own? Tali usually comes over when you babysit.” Jethro followed behind Jenny as she made her way to the kitchen, he steered Lily towards the couch.

“Yeah, Tali’s older now so we should be okay.”

Jethro nodded, hugging her one last time before letting her go. Lily flopped down on the couch next to Jasper, stealing some of his Goldfish crackers. Taking a deep breath he sauntered towards the kitchen.

“I was watching that!” Jasper moaned.

“Too bad. _Supernatural_ starts in a few minutes.”

“Come on, Lily, that show’s scary.” Jasper grumbled, snuggling closer to his sister.

“Then go to bed.” Jasper made a small sound of indignation, placing his container of crackers between them, he clutched his sister’s arm as the show started.

Jethro took a seat at the dinner table, his stomach growling at the sight of something other than cheap take-out. He wasted no time digging into his steak, keeping a watchful eye on his children as they watched their show. He smiled to himself, listening to them quietly discuss whatever was happening.

Jethro reached for the coffee cup the moment Jenny placed it in front of him. Licking his lips, he continued eating.

Jenny took a seat, her own coffee cup in hand. She watched as Jasper clung to his sister’s arm. It was their Thursday night ritual. Jasper would complain about being scared, and Lily would simply try and explain that it wasn’t real. She suspected they used their fighting as an excuse to simply enjoy some bonding time together.

“Should they be watchin’ that?” Jethro asked with a mouthful.

“I’ll intervene if something goes too far.” She could tell that something was bothering him, and he was trying to ignore it by worrying about the kids.

Taking a drink from her coffee, she placed her hand over his where it rested on the table. Running her thumb over his knuckles, she tried approaching the subject as best she could. Waiting until he finished, she cleared her throat softly. He simply raised an eyebrow.

“What’s bothering you, Jethro? You’ve been somewhere else since you walked through the door.”

He pursed his lips. Being faced with his old alias had brought back a lot of memories. He’d tried to forget the mistakes he’d made ones that had almost cost him dearly. Taking another drink from his coffee, he turned to look at his two children.

“Bishop was askin’ if I’d ever send her undercover.” He sighed heavily, watching her out the corner of his eye.

“I’m guessing Leland Robert Spears opened up a whole can of worms for everyone on the team.” Jethro spun around, looking at her questioningly. “McGee accessed your undercover file and as Director of Special Operations I was notified since you’re still an active agent. What did you tell her?”

Jethro nodded slowly, lacing his fingers with hers, he ran his thumb over her wedding band. “Sent her home to Jake.”

“It’s not easy pretending to be someone else. Lines get blurred and people get hurt, but there’s no point in dwelling on ‘what ifs.’”

Jethro looked up from where he’d been staring at her wedding ring. “What if…”

* * *

_**Naples (July 1999)** _

* * *

The heat was unbearable, spending the last three months in Russia had forced him to accept the cold, and he surely would welcome it now. Tightening the grip on his duffel, he glanced at the small piece of paper he’d scribbled her address on. The taxi he’d managed to hail had dropped him off a few blocks away, he needed to clear his mind and the short walk would help.

Jenny Shepard had left him with her coat and a letter that told him she couldn’t be on his team any more, or with him for that matter. She’d used every means necessary to ensure he couldn’t track her down and he’d come close. Morrow had been diplomatic, explaining she had proved herself as an outstanding agent and that the promotion had been inevitable.

Jethro wiped the sweat from his brow. He hadn’t seen her in almost three months. Their mission had been wrapped up towards the end of April, and that had been the last he’d seen of her. Realistically he knew that in the short amount of time a lot had changed. There was no way he would be able to talk her out of leaving.

Two weeks ago she’d finally decided to return his call. A part of him knew his attempt to call her every week had been desperate, but he’d needed answers. After Prague he’d realised he’d lost sight of what had mattered, that she had always been the only person that mattered to him. They had rekindled their love affair after returning to Paris, and he’d secretly hoped they would make it work once they got back to the States.

He should’ve known better, with two divorces and a secret that would send her running, he doubted there ever would be a future between them. Yet here he was, slowly nearing the small apartment she was staying in. Maybe hearing the anxiety in her voice had been his undoing. He should’ve come after her. The undercover assignment in Russia could’ve waited.

The number for the small apartment came in view. Taking a deep breath, Jethro ran a hand through his sweaty hair. The windows to the tiny apartment were open, the curtains dancing in the light breeze. Their brief discussion over the phone had been incredibly awkward. She’d told him where to find her and he’d acted as if he’d have to find the time. His flight back home wasn’t until Sunday, he had two days to kill before he could leave.

The bright blue steel gate opened easily, closing it behind him, he trudged up the small path to the open front door.

Knocking on the door, he stopped himself from stepping inside. The apartment was furnished with the essentials, nothing fancy but enough to get by. It was quiet, apart from the ocean crashing off the shore. Knocking a little louder, he sighed, wondering if he should’ve phoned ahead to tell her he was swinging by. For all he knew she had company and having to explain why he decided to show up without forewarning could get tricky.

“Coming!” He heard her shout from somewhere.

Jethro swallowed as Jenny sauntered into view. Auburn hair in a ponytail and dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, she stopped the moment she saw him. It was worse than he’d thought, he’d reconciled with himself that he didn’t care about her leaving him, it never would’ve worked. Being faced with her now, he knew there was no point in lying to himself.

“Jethro.” She sounded surprised to see him, the colour draining from her cheeks. “I didn’t think I’d see you.”

He clenched his teeth, knowing he’d let her down enough to create reason for her to doubt him. There was nothing he could think of to say, nothing that would make this any easier. He allowed himself to appreciate the way she looked. The hot Italian summer seemed to have done her good, she was more tanned and there was something about her that felt different.

“Ya look good, Jen.” He commented.

He’d picked up on her nervousness the moment she walked into the room. It seemed strange, a few months ago they had been on the same page, everything had fallen apart around them.

“Come on in, it’s hot outside.” Jenny gestured over her shoulder, making her way to the open-plan kitchen.

Jethro dropped his duffel just inside the door, knowing her invite wasn’t for him to stay but simply a courtesy. Taking a seat at the small breakfast table, he tried sorting through the chaos in his mind. Something felt off, he knew she wasn’t exactly welcoming towards him, but there was more to her wanting to see him. He’d been too tired when he’d talked to her over the phone to really pick up on something other than anxiety.

She placed a cup of coffee in front of him, offering him a platonic smile as he thanked her. Despite the heat, he welcomed the bitterness. He watched her unscrew the water bottle and slowly drink from it. Silence enveloped them and for the first time in years it made him uncomfortable.

“You want something to eat?” She suddenly turned towards him, her green eyes guarded.

He shook his head, avoiding her gaze. Clearing his throat, he shifted around in his chair, there was a reason she wanted to see him and he was slowly starting to piece the puzzle together. “Jen,” he waited until she looked at him, “I know there’s something goin’ on here. Might as well get it over with.”

Jenny bit her lip, nodding slowly. It had been a shock to see him again, from their phone call it had sounded like he hadn’t been planning on seeing her. She’d hoped he wouldn’t show up, but she owed him an explanation. “What do you want to know first?”

Jethro narrowed his eyes at her, seriously contemplating her question. Sipping his coffee, he licked his lips. “Why do you want to see me?” It was hard not to miss the anger in his tone.

She nodded slightly, silently agreeing it was probably the safest place to start, but not the easiest.

“Right,” she turned around in her chair, reaching for her purse. Pulling out the envelope, she pushed it across the table. “These are for you.”

He frowned at her, confused. Taking the brown envelope, he easily opened it, taking out the contents he swallowed heavily.

“I didn’t know how to tell you.” Jenny whispered, “I found out two weeks ago.”

Jethro stared at the ultrasound, palms sweaty. He’d been in this similar position before, except he’d been elated, now he just felt like he’d been sucker-punched.

The lack of response made her nervous. “I don’t expect anything from you, Jethro.” His head snapped up, blue eyes perfectly guarded. “I just wanted you to know. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with us. It just didn’t feel right not telling you.”

Jenny fought against the lump in her throat. She’d taken these last two weeks to reassess her entire life, the little five point plan she had so clearly lined out had gone to hell. At the same time, she’d tried preparing herself for this moment. Jethro was wonderful with kids, but the fact that he didn’t have any of his own told a completely different story.

“How far along?” He hated how hoarse his voice sounded, but it was a lot to take in.

“Three months.” It felt strange talking about it. “I should’ve known the first time I missed, but everything has been irregular for months.” No one else knew, it was safer for now if they kept the news to themselves. “I’m moving back to DC at the end of the month. I asked Morrow to transfer me back Stateside.”

Jethro nodded, eyes still trained on the ultrasound. Running the tip of his finger over the grainy image, he finally gathered the courage to meet her gaze. “Good, want you close.” He reached for her hand, stroking his thumb over her knuckles softly. “We’ll figure this out.”

Jenny gave him a forced smile. She opened her mouth to say something but caught herself. She knew he would need time to adjust and truly comprehend what this meant. Biting her bottom lip, she squeezed his fingers. “I need to tell you the truth.” She could see the apprehension in his eyes, preparing for whatever blow she was going to throw his way. “What I said in the letter…” she shook her head, “it’s not true.”

Dark eyebrows knit together as he studied her.

“I had this plan when I joined NCIS. I needed to work my way through the ranks as quickly as possible. Nothing was supposed to happen between us.” She returned his crooked smile as he listened. “I didn’t stop to think about how you might feel or how you would take it.”

“What are you saying, Jen?” He suddenly sounded tired.

“This,” she placed a hand on her still flat stomach, “it made me realise plans never work. Look, I’m not asking you for a relationship, I burned that bridge when I walked away.” She swallowed heavily, “I’m so sorry, Jethro.”

He clenched his jaw. It had hurt when she’d left, something he’d never admit. The moment he’d read her letter, he’d realised he’d forced her away. Like every other relationship he’d been through, a part of him had shut down the moment he’d realised he’d fallen in love with her. Seeing her again had made him realise just how much he cared about her.

“Wasn’t just your fault, Jen.” He hung his head, trying to find the right words. “I lost sight of what mattered. Screwed up in Prague, never should’ve blamed you for what happened in Paris. I’m sorry.”

She bit back the sudden burn of tears, giving him a smile.

“We’ll figure this out, together,” he took a deep breath, “but there’s something I have to tell you first.”

* * *

_**Present Day** _

* * *

“What if… what?” Jenny prodded gently, she could see her husband had lost track of his thoughts, his eyes simply staring at her golden wedding band.

Jethro shook his head, turning towards his two children as they sat on the couch silently conversing about something. He smiled to himself, watching as Lily tightened her grip on her little brother, offering him comfort. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he turned back to his wife, noticing she seemed aware of where his thoughts had strayed.

“What if,” he started, “we never got pregnant in Paris. Where would we be now, Jen?”

She shrugged her shoulders, her own eyes straying to the couch. It hadn’t been easy picking up their relationship after she’d left. She’d questioned whether he’d forced himself to be with her simply because she’d been carrying his child. He’d often asked her if she was planning on running out on him. “We had a lot of secrets, Jethro. If it hadn’t been for Lily, we might never have gotten back together.”

He nodded, bringing her hand to his mouth, he kissed her fingers softly. The first few months had been tough on them, having to deal with the secrets between them. He’d never questioned how much she loved him, the same way she knew he’d devoted the rest of his life to her and their children. After Lily was born things had settled and the question of who was going to run out first had disappeared.

“Glad I knocked you up.” He grinned at her as she rolled her eyes at him.

“Of course you are.” She moved her chair closer to his, leaning her head on his shoulder. “We made it work, Jethro, even if it wasn’t always easy.”

He turned his nose into her hair, closing his eyes as he allowed his thoughts to wander over the last fifteen years. They’d gotten married shortly after Lily had been born, he’d never thought he’d get the chance to have a family again. He silently thanked the powers that be for how everything had turned out.

“Mommy, can we have ice cream before bed?” Jasper shot into the dining room, grinning at his parents as he threw himself over his dad’s legs. “Pretty please?”

“You’re pushing your luck, mister.” Jenny warned, still leaning against Jethro. Running her fingers through Jasper’s hair, she smoothed the long strands out his eyes. “You can have some tomorrow when you get home from school.”

Jasper sighed dejectedly. “Okay.” Sliding off his father’s lap, he wrapped his arms around him, “G’night, daddy.” Hugging his father, he quickly scampered around them to hug his mother. Jenny lifted him onto her lap, listening as he tried to reason with her to give him ice cream before bed.

Lily sauntered into the dining room, resting her elbows on her dad’s shoulders she leaned her cheek on the top of his head. “Ziva texted me. They’re leaving at six so she wants me to be there at around five. Will you be home on time?”

“Yeah, should be home at around four. You’re sure you and Tali are going to be okay alone?”

“Daddy,” Lily sighed, unable to hide her laughter, “we’ll be fine.” She kissed his cheek before running off to the living room where her phone was vibrating on the coffee table.

“Jethro,” Jenny touched his thigh, drawing his attention, “they’ll be okay. Tali will be asleep before she even knows her parents are gone.”

Jethro relaxed a little into his chair, watching Jasper as he fought against dosing off in his mom’s lap. Bleary green eyes seemed to study him. “Dad, you have to remember the ice cream tomorrow.”

Jenny shook her head, sharing a smile with her husband. Patting his back lightly, she let Jasper stand on his feet. “Say goodnight, so we can get you to bed.” The boy yawned, barely remembering to place his hand in front of his mouth.

Slouching against his father, he hugged him as hard as he could, waving as he shuffled across the floor to the stairs with Jenny in tow.

Jethro leaned back in his chair, listening to everything going on around him. Lily was on her phone, talking to one of her friends, Jasper was complaining about bedtime all the way to his room. He’d have to talk to Bishop, make sure she was holding up okay. It was just little over a year since Ziva had officially left the team and Ellie had joined.

Life would’ve been drastically different had it not been for Lily. He sighed, trying to imagine what his life might have been like. Deep down he knew he wouldn’t have had a house filled with two beautiful kids to keep him busy, or a wife by his side.

“I can hear you think.” Jenny murmured as she placed her hands on his shoulders, kneading the tense muscles. “Why don’t we go soak in the tub for a while? The kids are in bed.” She placed a kiss to his temple, feeling some of the tension leave his body. “Maybe we can reminisce about some _other_ activities from our past.”

Jethro smiled, finally pushing away from the table. He towered over her, wrapping a loose strand of hair around his finger. “Last time we did that; we had Jasper nine months later.” He laughed as she elbowed him. Neither of them had realised that her antibiotics at the time rendered birth control none existent.

Running a thumb across her cheek, he leaned down. He moaned softly as she kissed him, hands roaming her back until they landed on her ass. Pulling her closer, he ignored the burning in his lungs. They finally pulled apart, smiling.

“To think I almost asked Morrow to assign Decker as Spears.”

Jenny raised an eyebrow, unaware that he’d had seconds thoughts about being assigned the mission all those years ago. “What changed your mind?”

He tilted his head slightly, running his eyes over her appreciatively. Slipping his fingers through her hair, he pulled her closer to him, mumbling against her lips.

“You.”

**Author's Note:**

> Took a little creative license for Jenny’s job title


End file.
